Thursday, September 8, 2011

Stalkers, Elizabeth and Vacuums

Do you ever have the feeling that something or someone is watching you?    Maybe you get that prickly feeling up your spine or you have a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.  I have been dealing with this feeling for over a week now.  The reason for this feeling?  I'm being stalked!  I can't tell you how scary it is to know that I'm being watched.  By multiple pairs of eyes too.  I discovered one of the stalkers last week.  I was in my bathroom, sitting on the toilet of all places, taking care of business when suddenly I knew I was being watched.  I went down the checklist of possible reasons for the feeling.  Curtains open?  No.  Dog snuck in?  No.  Husband standing  there?  No. The bathroom is not that large so it didn't take me long to eliminate the most likely suspects.  That left unlikely or less noticeable suspects.  As I was sitting there I checked up on the ceiling and in the vent.  Didn't see anything that shouldn't be there or any sign of a hidden camera.  That was a relief.  Nobody needs to see video of me  taken with a hidden camera.  Or a not hidden camera for that matter!  But I could still feel eyes on me so I continued looking around.  Suddenly, my heart stopped dead in my chest.  I'd found the cause of my unease.  Across the way from the toilet stands the shower.  And clinging to the base of the shower was a!!!!  I think I might have mentioned once or twice that I don't like spiders.  At.All.  So I'm sitting there staring at the spider to make sure it doesn't move and he's staring back at me with all his many eyes just waiting to pounce when the time was right, most likely when my back was turned.  But that wasn't going to happen.  Now here's the dilemma.  I was still on crutches at the time and I knew there was no way on earth I was going to be able to crutch my way over there and kill the sucker before it skittered away and hid itself until the time was right to crawl up my nose or into my ear during the night.  No freaking way was that going to happen!  I knew Dan was downstairs asleep on the couch with the T.V on.  What were the chances of calling loudly enough to wake him up but not so loud that the vibrations would startle the creature into fleeing?  I could pound on the floor which happens to be right above the family room where Dan was busy sawing logs instead of protecting me from hairy arachnids but I was pretty sure that would startle him (the spider) into moving.  While I was thinking these thoughts, he and I were maintaining eye to eyes contact and I could almost hear his hissy little voice saying...I'll get you my pretty!  Deciding that yelling was going to be less likely to disturb spidey, I proceeded to do just that.  DAN!!!   DAN!!!  Then I waited, cuz Dan only has two speeds and they consist of slow and slower.  Being that he was asleep I knew he'd be moving slower.  I also knew if he heard me he would recognize the distinct tone of my voice that indicates the presence of an eight legged critter and he would come prepared to do battle.  So while I waited spidey and I continued our stare down.  By now I had one eye squinted to show him I wasn't scared because you never want to show them weakness or they'll pounce then and there!  But although I gave Dan plenty of time to slowly make his way upstairs...he didn't come.  So now I was left with 2 choices.  Sit on the toilet until Dan woke up on his own (usually around 2-3 in the morning)  and came up to bed or take the risk of pounding on the floor loudly and hoping it woke him up.  I pondered for quite a while, even called a couple more times but eventually I knew I was going to have to risk the pounding.  Taking a deep breath I grabbed my crutches and as hard as I could I hit the floor 3 times with them, all the while maintaining my squinty eyed stare.  Sure enough Spidey moved!  But I think he thought that the pounding wouldn't produce Dan any better than yelling did because after one hop he went back to staring at me.  I could hear Dan coming up the stairs and finally the bedroom door opened, followed by the bathroom door and Dan who said, how big is it?  See?  I told you he can recognize the panicked sound a spider causes even when it's a pound and not a call.  I pointed at the critter with a shaking finger and's huge!!  KILL IT!!  Which he promptly did.  Boy was that a relief.  I thought my butt was going to be permanently attached to the toilet seat by this time!  So you are probably thinking boy is she a wussy and you would be correct.  I admit it openly.  You are also probably thinking, it's one spider, you can't be stalked by one spider!  HA!  Where there is one...there is always another!  The next night I went upstairs to bed and thoroughly checked the bathroom before taking care of business.  Crutching my way to the bed, I suddenly felt that feeling again.  I checked the ceiling and walls several times and threw back the covers to make sure nothing was lurking under them before finally deciding perhaps it was a hold over from the night before.  I sat down on the bed, removed das boot and swung my legs up onto the bed while laying back on my pillow.  My head no more than brushed the pillow when I spotted it!  Right above my head on the ceiling, hiding in the shadow of the texture!!  I bounced up off that bed and threw myself into the chair while yelling loudly for Dan.  He arrived quickly, paper towel in hand and asked. "where is it?"  I pointed to the ceiling, grabbed my pillow and threw the covers out of the way in case he missed and spidey jumped.  But the great white spider hunter was successful once again and he smashed that thing dead.  Now you would think that maybe word would go out in the spider kingdom that this is not a spider friendly environment and they would leave for better pickings.  But no.  The next day I made my way downstairs after showering (only after a thorough inspection of the bathroom) and sat down at the computer to begin my morning ritual.  And then I felt it.  That eerie sensation of being watched.  I slowly looked around the room, all the while hoping I was wrong because I was home alone and knew that if I saw spidey, I would have to find a way to take him out by myself.  Not something I like to do but unlike a certain daughter of mine who shall remain nameless...Amy...I won't leave it there and go to another room thereby giving said spider permission to stalk someone else at their leisure.  No, I kill the suckers even though I am risking an attack on my person while doing so.  Lucky for me, someone had used the swiffer the day before and instead of putting it away it was leaning up against the china hutch.  Swiffers work pretty good for killing things that are up high.  It allows you to be somewhat away from the wall so if you should happen to miss it doesn't fall on your head causing a sometimes fatal  heart attack.  My swiffer did not let  me down.  Yelling DIE Spidey DIE,  I obliterated the thing all over my suede painted wall!  But I didn't care.  All I cared about was that the sucker was dead.  Dan could deal with the debris later.  So you see now why I feel as though I am being stalked.  Almost every day another one appears to take the place of his fallen brother.  My paranoia is at a peak, my eyes are constantly roaming around the room looking for the next one to appear.  But I'm not going down without a fight.  Do you hear that spiders??  Get out while the getting is good or I'll take you out  or have Dan do it for me!!

Here's an update on Elizabeth.  I'm only allowing myself to work on her on the weekends.  I asked several people when the weekend started and ended last weekend and it was decided that Monday being a holiday meant it was a  part of the weekend so I got 3 days of stitching done on her.

And finally, a shot of the shop sans vacuums!!!  He is completely out of the shop now and we couldn't be happier.  First thing we are going to do is add a little color on the walls.  First they have to be repaired since Dude had slatwall the entire length of the wall.  Looks like it was shot up in a gun fight and the wall lost!  But we've spent the last couple days rearranging and it looks much better already.  I'll take a picture tomorrow and share it later.  Still have a long long way to go before I am happy with how things look but for now it's a huge improvement over vacuums, belts and bags.

Take care till next time!!