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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The rest of the story

Sorry for the extended torture session!  I didn't mean for it to continue for such a great amount of time.  The last chance I had to sit down and write out "the story" we had no internet.  But we do today and I have given the main floor a lick and a promise, replenished Dan's unmentionables and might I just say they want an obscene amount of money for a 6 pack of Hanes!! Thank God for buy one, get one half off, a $10.00 off coupon for men's wear and a 30% off entire purchase  flyer!   I've also located the last 2 years worth of tax statements that the bank requires for our furnace loan.  All in all a productive day.  Which means I can sit down guilt free and entertain you with the back story of Dan's find.

Once upon a time when the children were little I bought a bunch of those unpainted ceramic Christmas Ornaments you see at Michaels and Hobby Lobby during the holiday season. I thought it would be a fun project to entertain the kids with and a great keepsake too. Dan being Dan, decided he needed to paint an ornament because after all, he really is a little kid in a grown man's body.  Dan chose a Moose Ornament. With googly eyes.  And while the little kids slathered the paint on their ornaments willy nilly, Dan took his time and in the end he had a very nicely done Moose to hang on the tree.  Being so proud of his accomplishment he decided to gift the ornament to my mother so off we went with his cherished gift to my parents house.   And when he got there he excitedly showed her his treasure.  My mom oohed and ahhed over it like any good mother-in-law would and barely grimaced when Dan announced that he was giving it to her to hang on her tree which he promptly did, front and center.  My mom thanked him for the lovely gift and after a time we departed and went home.  Flash forward to the next visit to my mom's house.  This time the whole family was there and Dan went over to the tree to show them his ornament only to find that it wasn't where he had hung it.  Searching the entire tree he finally located it clear to the back and buried deep in the branches.  He plucked that ornament off the tree, showed it proudly to everyone and then hung it back front and center.  Stopping in a few days later he once again looked for his ornament and found it buried in the back again.  So again he moved it.  Now I get a call from my mom.  Julie, you have to stop him from moving that ugly Moose ornament to the front of the tree.  To which I replied...I have no control over the man but I'll speak to him about it. And I did.  But it didn't do any good.  Every time Dan went over there he moved the ornament, and as soon as he would leave Mom would move it back to the back.  This continued for the entire season.  So the next year, mom just didn't put it on the tree at all.  Dan, seeing that his ornament was not on the tree painted another one and when Mom's back was turned he hung it front and center and didn't say a word.  The phone call came an hour or so after he'd left.  It was my mother.  And she was not happy.  I tried, I really did but despite my efforts the battle of the Moose continued.  Only now Dan decided to escalate it.  He happened to find an ugly Moose soap dispenser at Goodwill.  And I'm talking Ugly with a capital Ugg.  When mom wasn't looking he exchanged her soap dispenser with the moose one.  Mom, not being a stupid woman, decided to leave it and not say anything, thinking that would put a crimp in Dan's tail. But it didn't.  The next year she received a lovely wine rack in the shape of moose antlers. This continued for a number of years with my mother trying her hardest to ignore the items and Dan having a blast finding the ugliest moose things he could.  Mom never knew when or where something would show up.  Finally she decided to get back at him.  She found a pair of men's black thong underwear with some yellowish/green feather trim on them.  She should have left well enough alone.  She thought he would be embarrassed but he wasn't.  Instead he snuck off to the bathroom, put on the underwear and went streaking through the house in them!  With 20 people there!  The shrieks of laughter mingled with the shrieks of horror as everyone processed Dan's bare behind running through the living room, into the dining room, through the kitchen and finally back into the bathroom.  People still talk about that to this day.  I think it left a permanent image burned into their eyeballs that will never go away!  The next year he received a velvet pair of red and green underwear with jingle bells on them.  Luckily he didn't model those for us.  Mom got a moose footstool.  Every freaking year I would beg him to please not buy anymore moose.  Every year some ugly moose thing would show up somewhere in her house or her yard, he'd even have other people deploy them for him because mom would watch him like a hawk whenever he would show up.  She finally gave up trying to get back at him as it always backfired on her.  And then miracle of miracles, a few years back my begging and pleading finally worked and no moose arrived  and I thought maybe, just maybe it was over.  So did my mom.  But we were wrong.   Two years ago he started again.  Which brings me to our last trip to the thrift store.  And to Dan saying Boss, I have something to show you.  

And as I rounded the corner of the aisle I see this....


Seriously?  I mean SERIOUSLY?? No I tell him.  NO NO NO NO NO.

But look...it opens!

No.  Absolutely Not!  To which he sighed heavily and said fine.  And walked away.  I should have known that was too easy.   Way too easy.  When we got home and I was unloading the sacks I found this...


Where did this come from Dan? He just smiled and said isn't it cute?  Look he's using his antler to row the canoe!  And then I remembered being in one of the aisles with him and I remember seeing him messing with something out of the corner of my eye.  When I turned around to see what had caught his attention I thought he looked a bit guilty but I couldn't see anything that would have peaked his interest so I brushed it off as paranoia on my part.  Turns out it wasn't paranoia.  The man is a menace!  I was hoping to make the thing disappear but Dan knows me too well and has put the dang thing somewhere out of my sight.  At some point during the month of December it will show up at my mother's house.  And I'll get a phone call and she'll tell me that my husband needs a swift kick.  But she'll say it with love because despite him being a pain in the behind, you can't help but love him!

Anna, just want you to know that you guessed correctly when you said he was planning to be a Rhino.

Dan  found a couple more trays for me but we haven't had a chance to go looking again.  I had a couple on ebay I was going to bid on but forgot to do it and dang it they went really cheap too!

I'm going to call it good for today.  I will update my stitching next time.  Thanks for sticking with me if you did.  And for commenting.  I appreciate it.  Welcome to the new followers too!

Have a lovely evening everyone!

Take care till next time!

Julie

17 comments:

April said...

Thank you for the laugh today!! That is so funny! My usband and yours most be brothers in crazines!!!

marly said...

I guess mom needs to start buying him pink socks, jackets, and hats with maybe Barbie on them? Moosegate sounds like a lot of family fun. Bullwinkle would be proud!

Catherine said...

Oh my gosh! Thanks s much for sharing this hilarious tale!! Your husband is too funny! I'll never look at any moose merchandise again without chuckling!

Peg said...

That is hysterical! Oh that Dan, he is a real trickster, isn't he?

I think I have a few of those trays and may just steal your idea!

Anna van Schurman said...

Like everyone else, I think your husband is a riot. But I am a little disturbed how easy it was for me to tell what his costume was going to be. What does it say about me? LOL!

P.J. said...

Love the moose saga! Too funny.

Marnie said...

Love it!

Cari said...

Julie...you and your Mom and Dan are a riot !! Too much fun !!

Lisa V said...

What a laugh, I had such a fun lunchbreak today reading this, your husband is hilarious!!
He's pretty gutsy running round the house in his flash undies with lots of witnesses. Least he has a sense of humour. Good on ya Dan!!

Cath said...

ROFL , what great story , I love it. Sounds like the sort of thing my hubby would do .

Gabi said...

LOL....too funny. Your husband is indeed hilarious. What a pity that noone took a picture of him parading his new undies. Gotta love his humor. So so very funny.

Tammy Bergeron said...

too funny! Your husband sounds like a card and a half. You will have to post pictures at Christmas with the moose at your moms

Rachel S-H said...

Great story

Mad about Craft said...

This story brought tears to my eyes!

Meari said...

Bwhahahaha! This is the best story ever. I can just imagine your Mom's dismay every year. LOL! Too funny.

MommyDearest said...

Darn!! Where was I when Dan streaked?? Darn it!!!! No pictures?? He is one crazy man!! You are so lucky!! LOL!!!

Bonnie said...

Love your story....

You are so lucky to have a mom and husband that get along so well. My husband and mother were great together also. Just be THANKFUL....
Bonnie